Journal 5

So, I did my first TRX workout today. It sucked. It really kicked my ass. It also made me really sad. I was in such good shape prior to having these two babies and I was close to tears at points realizing how really fat and out of shape I am. I feel embarrassed for myself. I feel ashamed that I allowed myself to get here and that I will accept comments of “you’re not fat, you just had a baby” or similar. I am fat. I was too big when I was pregnant. Actually, this new place does a scan which tells you your skeletal muscle mass and determines the size of your limbs compared to each other (or something I really don’t know) and I learned I am actually obese. OBESE. Let that sink in. My BMI is 30%. If this doesn’t motivate me, I don’t know what the fuck will. I feel awful about myself. And while I shouldn’t have a pity party, I am having one anyone. Just for a minute. Then I will dig deep to get the fuck out of obesity.

Gratitude:

1. My SIL babysat the kids today!
2. Made it to a workout and didn’t give up even though I wanted to just walk the fuck out
3. My thyroid issue seems like it will be fine, just another side effect of pregnancy 🙄
4. My dog went to daycare today
5. My parents because they will watch the dog when we travel unexpectedly this week
6. I think I have a theme for my boo boo bears’ baptism party
7. My husband for taking the bubba when he got home because I just couldn’t do any more today with a 2.5 y.o. who had not napped.
8. My baby sitter is coming over last minute tomorrow to watch the boys which will allow me to pack for trip
9. Fresh mint
10. That I made it through my journal today without falling asleep.

Action: Pack for trip. Get in another gym workout tomorrow.