Weekend was really good and really tough. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about things my husband engaged in while actively in his addiction. Thoughts about what I know he did and questions about what he did. And a lot of thoughts about me…where was I when he was acting out? All the time he spent engaging in acting out behaviors, with others or by himself, all that time that could have been spent together, spent on doing something fun, working on projects on our home, moving towards our goals (developing goals and dreams together). Was I just home alone? Lonely? At the gym? Just like, wtf. It’s just hard to know your person wasn’t your person at all. Am I making the right decision to try to work on things? I also feel so vulnerable in my current position, not only with two very young boys but also pregnant. I did tell hubs that if there is any inner circle behavior, we will have a separation within our home. Separate bedrooms, no romantic interaction. He agreed. I really do believe him that he will not do these things again, but it’s hard to know whether I can trust him or my own judgement at this point.
Gratitude:
- Lovely family weekend
- Farm market
- New fam shirts for Father’s Day were a hit
- Walk in the park, saw horses
- Yummy meal yesterday
- Beautiful cool morning before the heat wave that’s a coming
- Baby boys
- My family
- Lists
- Smoothies
Intentions: Love my boys and be patient. Make a list of projects for the summer. Read, drink water and walk.
Affirmations: I am a good mom. I am a really good wife. I am empathetic and come from a place of care and concern.
The (mis)Adventures of the MayBee Mom 