Day 12

Yesterday was pretty good. My emotional outbursts / deregulation were limited. Overall, I think I handled things pretty well. I got to give some feedback to the hubs CSAT which I was happy about. I don’t know what they really discuss, but I am sometimes concerned about his perspective of things, so it felt good to give some feedback too, from my perspective.

Attended an SANON meeting last night. The topic was a slogan, the 3Cs: I did not cause it, I cannot control it, I cannot cure it (4th C: I can cope with it). I still need to work on the controlling it part. And I guess it’s not so much that I need to control it (it is alittle in the default sense) but that I do want the Sex addiction to be controlled and to be cured. I don’t want my husband to be a SA. I don’t want this to be a part of my life. Which is normal, who does want it to be in their life??? But I guess I still need to determine if it is something I want or am willing to live with in my marriage or not. It will always be in my life because he is the father of my children and it will also therefore always be in the lives of my children (I just pray to all beings that it is not something they are afflicted with). But I don’t need to continue to have my partner be a SA. I don’t even need a partner. Although that’s also a scary and lonely thought, it is better to be on my own in that sense and be happy and free. I guess I need more time. I still don’t really know what to do.

Gratitude:

1. Beautiful, loving baby boys
2. Baby Buddha was a bit above his birth weight.
3. Gorgeous weather continues
4. Still working on the nursing, getting milk to come in thing, but it does seem a little better.
5. Target shopping yesterday.
6. Nothing scheduled today
7. Planning a shower & a soak!
8. Hubs is working on project(s)
9. Pumpkin spice creamer
10. SANON

Intentions: Get the fall decor done inside the house. Take some time for self-care. Walk. Drink water. Love my baby boys.

Affirmations: I am a loving mom. I am trying to take care of my self so I can be better for me and for everyone else. I am a supportive wife even when I am struggling.