I feel like I am failing at breast feeding. Why is it so hard? I feel like I am trying really hard with this, but maybe not hard enough. The baby took a long time to go to sleep last night. He just wasn’t getting what he needed. Hubs was feeding him a bottle, first it leaked all over so the baby’s clothes were all wet. Then they both passed out, but baby Buddha didn’t get much so once in his crib, he was up again quickly. I just felt disappointed. Disappointed my husband wasn’t more active in bedtime and it was all on me. I was up so late trying to get him settled and then first up again today when hubs early alarm went off, making him eat and pumping. Whatever. I also was having a hard time with intrusive thoughts yesterday. Just hearing a love song (John legend) just makes me sad that my great love story is being cheated on and deceived for 15 years. It just reinforces negative thoughts I already have at times—thoughts like I am not special, I don’t deserve to be loved fully, I don’t deserve a fairy tale. I am worthless. I am getting what I do deserve. It also flooded my mind at the end of a nice family walk, looking at our house and our Halloween decorations, and suddenly thoughts of acting out sex partners including a prostitute were in my home. For sex. With my husband. Like wtf.
Gratitude:
- Pumpkin spice creamer
- Rainy day
- Hair appt today!!
- Interior Halloween decor done
- Making pumpkin French toast
- Starting the day with gratitude
- Baby boys
- Family apple picking fun
- Lactation tea arrived
- Planning to make apple cider donuts tomorrow 🤞🏻
Affirmations: I am not a POS. I love my children. I am working on self care and being positive about self
Intentions: Work on To Do list. Enjoy haircut. Enjoy a day with my little family. Drink water.
The (mis)Adventures of the MayBee Mom 