Saturday

Haven’t been journaling as much as I should, but when I have recently it’s been in my paper journal. Trying to feel optimistic, but it can be quite challenging. Sometimes it feels like there’s forward trajectory and other times it feels like a stand still, nothing is getting better. I went to a psychiatrist this week, to follow up as my midwife started me on an antidepressant. He agreed with that (depressive symptoms) but also diagnosed me with binge eating disorder. I was surprised by this, but I suppose I really should not be. I am not sure how to break my current relationship with food. Part of me wishes I could go away (fat camp?) be on my own. Only food I want available, go to the gym, be active whenever I want. Only be responsible for me. That makes me feel so selfish to say but I can’t imagine I am the only mom who has ever felt that way. Did couples counseling yesterday with a csat. Much better then a regular couples counselor. Also did Sanon couples meeting. Also a positive experience. Overall I want things to change and improve. I want to get better. I want to acknowledge my experiences including my trauma and abuse, but I don’t want to be a victim. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Gratitude:

1. Weekend
2. Beautiful weather
3. Baby boys
4. Couples therapeutic time
5. Coffee
6. Hubs working a program
7. A job
8. Supports
9. Medication / science
10. Spring break is approaching

Intentions: Get outside, be mindful, breath, drink water.