So busy

It’s tough to find time for even a daily gratitude list lately. All these healthy habits and self care are hard to fit in while working FT and 3 babes and just life in general. I have been walking regularly, tracking my food (lost 12 lbs!), and trying to listen to podcasts (although that has slightly backfired). There’s been some up and downs in the relationship with the hubs. He was engaging in some addictive type behaviors, unhealthy habits. Not sexual ones, so that makes it more manageable. But still things that don’t reflect health and recovery, spending an excessive amount of money on video games on his phone and not telling me, secret unhealthy eating, not journaling, exercising, playing his video games late into the night, etc. he has been stressed at work and while he may be handling it better than in the past, it’s still not great. Actually, there was a sort of low level SA activity he engaged in. An article popped up in his news feed, about a prostitute who has autism. This was interesting to him, so he read it (first problem). Then he really felt he needed to put a face to the name/story, so he went to her Twitter account. Which of course continued pornagraphic images, as I would imagine most would expect to find on a prostitutes social media. He then closed it. And while that good I guess, like wtf, you should have never opened it. That is the problem. Anyway, when he is not engaging in healthy habits, it results in me having to increase my monitoring and being the mom and doing things that I don’t want to do and that take up more energy then I have. My therapist and I discussed that the results of breaking boundaries is that I have less patience for him and am less available for him. There is only so much bandwidth in total and having to put it into monitoring for the safety of my family leaves less for him. If he really wants to stay in this relationship and family, he needs to consistently demonstrate that through his actions.

Gratitude:

1. Baby boys
2. Day off
3. Beautiful weather
4. Baby animals
5. The canal
6. Lovely walks with baby bear
7. Couples therapy friday
8. Long stretch with just us
9. My mom
10. Getting things done!