Gratitude:
Intentions: Focused morning getting work done. Planned meals and thoughtful eating. Pause in between, am I really hungry?
Affirmations: I am a good wife and mother. I am strong.
Ugh. I do not always handle it well when my husband is feeling anxious. He went to the grocery store this morning and it made him uneasy and uncomfortable. He spent too much money. This was one of my responsibilities. It is a chore I love to do. And honestly I like being in control of the groceries. I like having control over that aspect of the budget especially since we have really been working on that. I am frustrated enough that I cannot do the shopping myself. But then he goes off the list. He gets multiple of things (like I saw at least 5 different flours!) that are unnecessary. I get impatient. And I just don’t want to deal with his fucking anxiety sometimes. Like I am dealing with enough shit because of you and your past actions and selfishness. Why do I have to deal with this too? I just can’t always have empathy. I feel like I do actually have alotta of that most of the time. But it’s just fucking groceries. Go to the store and buy what’s on the list. And if ppl are too close to you, ask them to move away or you move. I need to reset this day. I can not get knocked of course already and by someone else.
Gratitude:
Intentions: Be patient with all. Get through min 10 students for progress monitoring.
Affirmations: You are a good, kind, loving wife and mother. You are doing a great job not crumbling under the weight of everything.
Intentions: I will be focused on what I need today. I will love my babies and take them for a walk. I will feel accomplished today.
Affirmations: I am a good mom and wife. I am a good teacher. I care about those around me. I am taking time to care about me too.
Starting to drag. Work is becoming more demanding or at least it feels that way to me. And so is hubs work. Which would be fine by itself but having two littles makes it a much bigger challenge. A lot more tv watching is happening than I would like but they are two little to be able to do activities independently and stay staff. Bubba is getting more independent but certainly he cannot be responsible for a baby. So irritability is higher than it has been. I have to get back to basics and that is doing morning gratitude. It’s nice to do it as a family, but I also appreciate being able to do it on my own sometimes.
Gratitude:
I had a really tough day yesterday. It started out good, I was busy working. But something a co-worker said triggered me to feel sad and down and lonely. I took a bath to relax and read from the spouse recovery book, but I didn’t end up reading. Little bear joined me in my bath at the end. And when boys were downstairs and hubs was working on dinner, I was just sad. Lots of crying feeling down and lonely and questioning the universe on why I am dealing with all of this. It was just overall very emotionally draining. And even though I was upstairs early, I was up late. Asking questions. Learning more about my husbands sexual acting out and it sucks. And I don’t know what I want and how to heal. But I did some prenatal yoga this morning and trying to move forward gently.
Gratitude:
My Gratitude:
Dada:
Baby bear:
Me:
Dada:
Luca:
Dog:
Intentions: Enjoy family time. Be patient. Find the space.
Affirmations: I am a good mom and wife.
Frustrating day today. I really need my husband to better time manage and plan in advance. I need to know how much time he is planning for work in advance so I know what my time parameters are. I need him to stick to what he says and If he doesn’t plan enough time, then move on and plan more time later. I need him to improve his judgement and decision making skills. Sometimes I feel like I need so much, so much to change and to improve. Maybe it is too much? Maybe it is not fair for anyone. I don’t know. I don’t want to pile on to all the work he has to do (recovery, etc) but I also need to be honest and say the things that bother me. I don’t want to accept less than I deserve. I feel like I have been doing that for way too long. Even if I didn’t know all that was going on, there were still somethings that weren’t right. I am happy he has been working hard to change. And he has made great progress but there is still a long way to go.
Gratitude: Baby boys. Family fun making cookies. A relaxing salt bath. Not a work day. Healthy family. OB appt soon (really need to hear this heart beat again). Hubs who is working recovery and to improve himself and our life. A good dog. FaceTime. Zoom.
Baby Bear:
Mommy:
Dada:
Bubba:
Intentions: Enjoy my spring break. Enjoy family fun activities. Be relaxed.
Affirmations: I am a good wife and mom.
Family Gratitude
Dad:
Bubba:
Baby Bear:
Me:
Intentions: stick to my scheduled blocks, enjoy the day and my family, breathe.
Affirmations: I am a good wife and mother.
The (mis)Adventures of the MayBee Mom